And that brings us to All Over the Guy, a 2001 romantic drama about two damaged men who have been set up on a blind date by well meaning friends who think the two men will be perfect for each other. The first is Eli (Dan Bucatinsky), a man who is insecure and sabotages his own chances for a steady relationship. The second is Tom (Richard Rudolph), a man who grew up under the psychological manipulation of his parents who tried to control him in childhood and ultimately rejected him when he came out as gay. They were alcoholics and that has passed on to him, too. Eli and Tom’s relationship begins rocky and stays that way, being told to us through flashbacks; Eli tells his side to a no-nonsense HIV clinic worker and Tom tells his to a man he meets at an AA meeting. What we get in these flashbacks is pretty straightforward, yet very revealing.
The two meet for a blind date but don’t hit it off right away. A chance encounter a few days later, however, shows promise, but the two men’s emotional scars get in the way and they break up. After making another go at it, insecurities come out in the guise of pettiness and, after becoming intimate, Eli professes love which drives Tom away again. This is not a smooth road the two must travel to make a relationship work between them and the film doesn’t hide that fact but faces it head-on. The final moments of the film address this and admit that, while the journey may be tough it is one that should be at least attempted.
All Over the Guy takes a harsh look at the realities of navigating relationships in a world that can have a negative outlook on homosexuality. Yet it never really focuses on that aspect of things. Aside from Tom’s broadly painted WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) parents and Eli’s equally broad Jewish psychologist parents turning him into a neurotic mess, we never get a real look at the day-to-day ugliness that gay men face while navigating the world they live in. That ugliness was out there, more so when the film was made than currently, but the film is not about that and it makes for a stronger film because of it. This film doesn’t care much that it’s about a romance between two men and not the typical heterosexual relationship. It’s about the relationship itself and the genders of the two leads is immaterial. Replace one of the leads with a female actress and it wouldn’t change the story one bit. This is not about homosexuality and that focus makes it all the more relatable to audiences regardless of their orientations.
This is not a film about two people overcoming their emotional issues and walking off into the sunset, hand-in-hand. Most films that end that way always seem to feel like as soon as the credits roll the two leads will end up breaking up anyway. Watch any Doris Day and Rock Hudson romance and that’s the impression those films give. No, this film knows these two may not end up together but that’s okay. There is a lot of emotional scarring and it is going to take a great deal of navigating through those feelings to come to a place where they will be able to open up to a fulfilling relationship and that may not be with each other. The journey, after all, is the real story; everything else is there in service of that journey.
There is an authenticity to Tom and Eli’s relationship that is refreshing. Anyone who has been on a blind date or two can relate to not hitting it off with the person they were set up with. That first date is so awkward that it provides some of the only real comedy in this film. The conversation is forced and there is a delightful back and forth between them over something as simple as ordering drinks. It’s only when Eli brings up the film In and Out that Tom comes to life and lashes out about sexual politics and stereotypes. This sudden emotional outburst startles Eli and brings some life into that first encounter. Tom has an axe to grind stemming back to his upbringing and it is what initially attracts Eli to him.
The two friends that get Eli and Tom together in the first place are, themselves, a couple: Jackie (Sasha Alexander) and Brett (Adam Goldberg). Throughout the course of Eli and Tom’s relationship, Jackie and Brett get engaged and, in the final reel, get married. This wedding brings Eli and Tom face to face again, forcing the two to confront each other, after everything that lead to their breakup-up, and hash it out. Raw emotions abound and some harsh things are said. But underneath all of that is the very real feelings these two have for each other and that too is said. These two may not be made for each other but both are hurting for the break-up and wanting to mend things and make another go at it. They both realize that they need to get past these traumas and their own fears if they are to ever have a lasting relationship.
This is not a feel good romance. Neither was Gone With The Wind, either. A good romance doesn’t have to fade to black with the two leads in each other’s arms, eyes glistening with the excitement of a happy ever after. The real world is rarely like that and this film is going for the gritty realism that so rarely makes it to the screen. It began as a play, written by lead actor Dan Bucatinsky, but it never feels like a play. It doesn’t feel like a film, either. There is a realness to the drama than most people can relate to. Relationships are messy. Relationships can bring out the worst in people. Relationships are created by two flawed people who have their own issues which can sometimes clash and turn ugly. But relationships are also something that requires both parties to work hard to make them a success. Sometimes that still isn’t enough but this film, and life itself, tells us that it is still worth the effort.
Release Date: August 10, 2001
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Rated R
Starring: Dan Bucatinsky, Richard Ruccolo, Sasha Alexander and Adam Goldberg
Directed By: Julie Davis
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